Designing a Life, Not Just a Practice ft Ragan Hartman

Listen to the Full Episode:

How Business Coaching Changed My Life and Practice 

“When the why gets clear, the how gets easy.” – Ragan Hartman

Welcome back to University of Why, the podcast where we ask the big questions so we can build a life that actually feels like ours. I’m your host, Dr. Sonia Chopra, and this episode is a deeply personal one, because we’re talking about something that completely altered the trajectory of my life—not just as a dentist, not just as a business owner, but as a human being trying to figure out how to do all of it without losing myself in the process.

Today, we’re talking about how a business coach can change your life, and I don’t say that lightly. This is the story of the woman who met me at one of my lowest points, when I was burnt out, overwhelmed, and honestly just surviving, and helped me rebuild not just my practice, but my identity as a leader, a wife, and a mother. Her name is Ragan Hartman, and if you’ve ever wondered whether coaching is really worth it, I want to take you inside what that experience actually looked like for me.

When I Didn’t Even Know I Needed Help

If you had met me back in 2016, you would have seen someone who, from the outside, looked like she had it all together—a growing practice, a busy schedule, a family—but on the inside, I was completely overwhelmed and quietly unraveling. I had just had my son, I was juggling motherhood and business ownership, and I was carrying this heavy narrative that everything depended on me, that if I didn’t hold it all together, everything would fall apart.

And the truth is, I didn’t even know how to ask for help, because I didn’t fully understand what I needed. It was actually my husband who gently stepped in and said, “I think you need a coach,” and at the time, I didn’t realize how pivotal that moment would be. Because when she came into my life, she didn’t just coach my business—she held up a mirror to the way I was thinking, leading, and relating to everything around me.

And let me tell you, that mirror was not always comfortable.

The Chaos Behind the Growth

What’s fascinating, looking back now, is that my practice was already growing. In fact, it was growing fast. But it was growing with chaos, and that’s a very different experience than growth that feels intentional, aligned, and sustainable.

I remember telling her that my communication was terrible, and not because I didn’t care, but because I was so overstimulated, so reactive, and so caught in the day-to-day pressure that the words I wanted to say just weren’t coming out the way I intended. And that disconnect created tension with my team, which then created more stress, which then fed right back into how I was showing up.

And this is where everything started to shift, because instead of trying to fix isolated problems, she took a completely different approach. She started with the question: What do you actually want your life to look and feel like?

Not just your practice. Your life.

Beginning with the End in Mind

One of the first things she taught me—and something that has stayed with me ever since—is that you have to begin with the end in mind. Because you can build systems, you can implement strategies, you can push for growth, but if you don’t know where you’re actually going, all of that effort can feel disconnected and exhausting.

So instead of jumping straight into operations, we started with vision. Not just a structural vision for the practice, but a philosophical vision—what do we value, what is our purpose, how do we want to show up for each other, and how do we create a culture that reflects that every single day.

And I’ll be honest, this was not something I had ever given myself permission to think about before. I was so focused on doing the dentistry right, on keeping everything running, on just making it through the day, that I had never paused long enough to ask, What do I actually want this to feel like?

That question alone changed everything.

The Communication Shift That Changed My Practice

If there was one area that transformed my practice the most, it was communication, and not just what I said, but how I said it, and the energy behind it.

Because what I didn’t realize at the time was that I was operating from a place of control, urgency, and needing things to be done “the right way,” without recognizing how that was landing on the people around me. And she introduced me to a completely different way of communicating—one that was rooted in collaboration instead of control, in curiosity instead of judgment, and in asking a much better question: Is it effective?

Not, is it right. Not, is it justified. But is it actually moving you closer to what you want?

That subtle shift—from right vs. wrong to effective vs. ineffective—completely changed the way I interacted with my team, because it created space for flexibility, for growth, and for people to actually step into ownership instead of just following direction.

The Reality Check That Changed My Relationships

There’s a specific tool she taught me that I still use to this day, and it’s called a reality check, and I can honestly say this one practice has changed not only my leadership, but my marriage, my friendships, and the way I process conflict in general.

Because what I used to do was stack up multiple frustrations and then bring them all into one conversation, which of course never went well, because I was overwhelmed and the other person had no idea how to even respond. And what she taught me instead was how to slow down, isolate one situation, and ask myself, What am I making this mean?

And then—and this is the part that really stretched me—she would ask me to come up with multiple alternative interpretations of that same situation, forcing me to step outside of my own perspective and consider what might be true for the other person.

And what I didn’t realize at the time was that she wasn’t just helping me solve a problem—she was helping me build compassion.

From Control to Collaboration

If I’m being completely honest, one of the hardest parts of this journey for me was letting go of control, because I had built this identity around being the one who holds everything together, the one who knows the answers, and the one who makes sure things are done correctly.

But over time, I started to see that control actually limits growth, not just for you, but for everyone around you. And when I began to shift into collaboration—when I started involving my team in problem-solving, decision-making, and building systems together—something incredible happened.

My team stepped up.

They became leaders. They took ownership. They started bringing solutions to me instead of just problems, and for the first time, I felt like I wasn’t carrying everything by myself.

And that shift didn’t just change my practice—it changed my life.

Designing a Life, Not Just a Living

One of the most powerful things she shared—and something that has stayed with me long after our coaching ended—is that most people focus on making a living instead of designing a life.

And when I really took that in, I realized how true it was for me. I had built a successful practice, but I hadn’t designed a life that felt aligned, that felt spacious, that allowed me to be present in the areas that mattered most.

Through this work, I went from working five days a week to five days a month, without losing revenue, and actually creating more space, more joy, and more intention in how I showed up, both at work and at home.

And that’s the part no one tells you—growth doesn’t have to come at the expense of your life. It can actually support it, if you build it the right way.

Watch the Full Episode:

Show Notes with Timestamps

00:00 — When the why gets clear, the how gets easy
02:00 — Meeting Ragan during burnout and overwhelm
04:30 — The impact of coaching on my life and leadership
07:30 — Her origin story and passion for helping people
10:00 — Growing my practice by $1M through better systems
12:00 — Why communication is the hardest skill to master
14:30 — Beginning with the end in mind: vision and clarity
17:00 — Living someone else’s version of success
19:30 — Control, expectations, and collaboration
22:00 — Agreements, boundaries, and expectations
25:00 — The reality check process and compassion
28:00 — Why anger always starts as hurt
31:00 — Letting go of control and empowering your team
34:00 — Hiring for humility, hunger, and coachability
36:30 — Why team drama is about emotional state, not skill
39:00 — Leading with compassion in difficult moments
42:00 — You can have it all, but you can’t do it all
45:00 — Designing a life instead of just making a living

Let’s Keep the Conversation Going

If this episode brought something up for you—if you saw yourself in my story, or felt that nudge that maybe it’s time to ask for support—I would love to hear from you. Because this work, as uncomfortable as it can be sometimes, is also some of the most transformational work you will ever do.

Send me a DM on Instagram @drsoniachopra or share this episode with someone who’s in that space right now, someone who looks like they have it all together but might be quietly carrying more than they need to. Sometimes, all it takes is one honest story to give yourself permission to choose something different.

University of Why

Love the episode? Please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs this message. Your support keeps this show going!

Subscribe Today