The Four Agreements Book Review: Takeaways for Your Practice

One of my favorite books of all time is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I’ve read it countless times, because it’s the best roadmap I’ve found to personal growth. While the central thesis of the book centers on basic ideas that are hardly revolutionary, it somehow still manages to provide nuggets of wisdom, insightful observations, and unique perspectives that feel like a breath of fresh air each time I read it.

The Four Agreements has not only transformed my personal life, but also the culture of my practice. Its lessons serve as a practical guide for how to interact with others in a way that fosters peace rather than conflict—which I feel is only becoming more critical as the years go on. 

That’s why I thought it was high time I shared my book review of The Four Agreements and the impact it’s had on my practice. Although it isn’t a proper book review (I won’t be getting into any critiques on the writing or presentation of the author’s ideas), it’s a genuine reflection on how each of the Four Agreements influences the culture of my practice and how you can apply the same principles to transform your own practice—and even the way you approach endo.

Let’s dive in!

My Four Agreements Book Review

According to the author, Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements are essentially a code of conduct based on Toltec teachings by which to live your life. They’re agreements you make to yourself that, when upheld, give you the power to transform your life into an experience of freedom, true happiness, and love. 

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word

Being impeccable with your word comes down to saying what you mean, and meaning what you say. Words are powerful things. They can either create or destroy—so it’s best you use them wisely!

One way in which this agreement comes into play at my practice is through gossip. Workplaces are FULL of gossip! Whether it’s talking shit, throwing people under the bus, or simply sharing information that’s not meant to be shared, at the end of the day, it all comes down to using your words to harm rather than heal—and you know I’m all about the healing!

Since I read the Four Agreements, my team and I have made the agreement that the negative talk has got to stop. Instead, we aim to uphold integrity, take accountability for our actions, and most of all, accept mistakes as part of the process… because mistakes aren’t a bad thing, people!

I encourage you to think about your own practice’s culture and write down examples of where you may need to be a bit more careful with your words. Is it when you talk to your team? Talk with patients? Talk to yourself? Yes, especially that! Because the way you talk to yourself when something doesn’t go as planned can have a big impact on the outcome. Remember: One bad case does NOT make you bad at endo! So make sure you’re choosing words that uplift rather than tear down—no matter who you’re interacting with. (Who knew a book review of The Four Agreements could also be a journaling exercise?)

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally

This one is a big one at my practice. I struggle with anxiety, and when I get stressed out about something that’s going on with a patient or with the business, you can see it ALL over my face. For better or worse, I’ve just never been the type of person who can hide how they feel!

As you can imagine, this has caused some issues with my team. Understandably, they see my frustration and think it’s about them, causing them to feel stressed themselves. But the thing to understand—and an idea that The Four Agreements explains well—is that when people are upset, it has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you.

It’s the team members who understand this concept well that have stuck around for the long haul. They know that when I’m upset about something, it’s about the situation—not about them, and it’s allowed all of us to form deep, meaningful relationships with each other. (I mean I spend most of my waking hours with these people, so it’s hard not to become friends!) In fact, we’re so close that we recently took a trip to Paris together.

I’m a firm believer that you can be a boss AND a friend. Because when you learn not to take things personally, it’s so much easier to communicate, provide feedback, and make decisions that are good for your practice without letting any of it harm your personal relationships. And when you develop that kind of culture, the work becomes so much more fulfilling!

3. Don’t Make Assumptions

Promising yourself not to make assumptions is the most difficult—yet it’s also the most impactful of all the Four Agreements, and a topic I’m happy to cover as part of this The Four Agreements book review! As humans, we’re programmed to make quick judgments in order to protect ourselves… but sometimes it can get us into quite a bit of trouble.

Let me give you a little example. My husband used to make us a pot of coffee every morning, and normally I’d make my way over to the kitchen after he had already left for work. But on one particular morning, I had washed my hair in preparation for filming and needed to go through the long, grueling process of drying it. (I think the women reading this will know what I’m talking about). So, I went to get my coffee early so I could drink it while I dried my hair.

Unfortunately, my husband fell into the trap that so many of us get caught in time and time again. He assumed that the reason I got my coffee before him was so I could hog it all for myself—not because I had a busy morning. And instead of asking for clarity, he snapped at me based on something that wasn’t actually true.

Look—we’re ALL guilty of this! Multiple times a day, every day. But trying to remember that your perception of things is just a perception—and not the truth—can go a long way in avoiding tension in your relationships, both personal and professional. This is especially true when evaluating your team’s capabilities. Once you’ve trained someone, it’s easy to assume they’ve understood what you’re asking of them. But that’s an assumption that will get you into trouble. Instead of assuming they’ve mastered the job, witness them mastering the job! This will save you so much time and energy in the end.

My advice overall is that whenever you find yourself getting upset, reflect on whether your feelings are based on reality or simply what you’re telling yourself is the reality. Then, ask for clarity. You’ll be amazed at just how many problems this simple strategy will solve in your practice!

4. Always Do Your Best

The idea behind this one is simple, but it’s a lot harder to do in practice for two reasons. On the one hand, there’s huge pressure on all of us to produce, produce, produce, and it’s taking a major toll on our physical and mental health. We feel like we have to perform at the same level, 100% of the time, when that’s just not humanly possible. Your best looks different every day, and it’s crucial to honor that!

On the other hand, though, it’s important not to let the mindset of “My best looks different every day” turn into “Who cares what I do?” Acknowledging the ebb and flow of life is not the same as indifference—or worse, inaction. When you don’t give your best, especially in the areas that matter to you, you get weighed down by guilt and self-judgment, because you know in your heart of hearts that you’re not showing up in the way you want to be.

To build a fulfilling career and a practice you love, come with the best you can give that day, every day. Even when you’re not feeling great. Even when you’re tackling the hardest root canal of your life. Even when all you want to do is curl up in bed and pull the covers over your head. Especially then! Because when you do, you’ll start to see that always doing your best is really just about finding joy in everything you do—and we could all use a little more joy.

Thank you so much for reading my book review of The Four Agreements! I hope you’ve found it enlightening and can start to apply these ideas at your practice. I really can’t recommend enough that you grab a copy of the book. In fact, I encourage you to read it with your whole team! Aside from being a fun book club opportunity, I promise that it will have an incredible impact on your practice. (And while you’re at it, you can set up your whole book club schedule with my other recommendations!)

You should also check out The Four Agreements Card Deck. Even after reading the book, it’s easy to slip back into old habits. But with the card deck, you can pick a card every morning to help you set an intention and solidify new habits that support the life you want to live.

– Sonia