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Listen to the Full Episode:
Why Values-Based Leadership Matters More Than Ever
“Don’t try to do this on your own. It’s so hard—and there’s no need to.” – Lois Burton
Welcome back to University of Why, the podcast where we ask the deeper questions so we can lead, live, and show up in a way that actually feels aligned. I’m your host, Dr. Sonia Chopra, and this episode is one I wish I had access to 17 years ago when I first stepped into leadership without a roadmap, without language for what I was feeling, and without any real understanding of how much my internal world would shape the external results in my practice.
Today, we’re talking about values-based leadership, and how to stay grounded in who you are—even when the pressure is high, the day is moving fast, and everything in your environment is asking you to react instead of respond.
I’m not having this conversation alone. I’m joined by Lois Burton, an executive coach with over 25 years of experience working alongside some of the pioneers in leadership and coaching, and someone who brings such a calm, wise, and deeply human perspective to what it really means to lead well.
We go deep in this one. Into values. Into nervous system regulation. Into the moments where you know exactly how you want to show up… and still find yourself slipping out of alignment. And honestly, those are the moments that matter most.
The Leadership No One Teaches You
One of the things I shared with Lois—and something I know so many of you will resonate with—is that dentistry doesn’t prepare you for leadership. You graduate knowing how to do the clinical work, but no one sits you down and says, “Here’s how to lead a team. Here’s how to define your values. Here’s how to communicate those values when things get hard.”
And what ends up happening is that you’re not just holding space for patients—you’re holding space for your team, your schedule, your business, and your own internal pressure all at once. And when you’re doing all of that without a framework, without awareness, without support… it’s a lot.
I told Lois how rocky my early years were, how I didn’t understand why I was getting triggered, why I was snapping in moments that didn’t reflect who I actually wanted to be, and how confusing it felt to be successful on paper but internally misaligned. And she said something that felt so simple, but so grounding: most people have values, but they’ve never actually taken the time to articulate them or understand what they look like in real life.
And that’s where the work begins.
What Your Values Actually Look Like in Real Life
We often say things like “I value respect” or “I value compassion,” but when you’re in the middle of a chaotic day, with a patient in pain and a team member asking you a question at the exact wrong moment, those values can feel very far away.
What Lois helped me understand is that values are not just ideas—they’re habits. They’re practices. They’re something you intentionally connect to every single day, especially on the days when it would be easier not to.
So instead of just saying, “I value respect,” the real question becomes:
What does respect look like when I’m under pressure?
What does compassion look like when I’m tired?
What does leadership look like when I’m triggered?
Because that’s where your leadership is actually defined.
And I shared something very real with her—I told her that when my days get fast and intense, I can become very direct, sometimes to the point where it doesn’t feel aligned with who I truly am. That was a hard thing to admit, but also a turning point. Because once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
Reflecting on Your Year: What Did It Actually Feel The Moment Everything Clicked?
There was a moment in my own journey where I finally understood one of my biggest triggers: being asked to manage team issues while I was in the middle of doing a root canal.
It seems obvious now, but at the time, I couldn’t figure out why I was getting so frustrated. And then I realized—it wasn’t the team, it wasn’t the situation, it was the fact that I was trying to wear two completely different hats at the same time without ever setting a boundary.
And here’s the part that changed everything: I had never actually communicated that to my team.
Once I did—once I said, “Hey, when I’m in the middle of a procedure, I can’t also be the manager”—everything shifted. My team understood. They adjusted. And I was finally able to show up in a way that felt more aligned, more grounded, and honestly, more like myself.
That’s the power of self-awareness paired with communication. And it’s something we so often skip.both physically and emotionally, and then begin to let go.
Why You Shouldn’t Do Leadership Alone
One of the most important takeaways from this conversation—and something Lois emphasized so clearly—is that leadership is not something you’re meant to figure out on your own.
There are books. There are mentors. There are coaches. There are people who have walked this path before you and can help you see what you can’t yet see.
And I loved how she differentiated this: a coach helps you understand yourself, while a mentor helps you understand the path. You need both.
Because trying to do this alone is not only hard—it’s unnecessary.
Your Nervous System Is Leading More Than You Think
We also went into something that I think is not talked about nearly enough in dentistry, and that’s the nervous system.
Because when you’re in a high-pressure environment—when you’re moving fast, making decisions, managing people, and holding responsibility—your nervous system is constantly being activated. And if you’re not aware of it, it will run the show.
I shared how, in the past, I would just feel angry or frustrated without realizing that my body was actually in a stress response. And Lois explained how so many leaders are operating in a chronically dysregulated state, where even small triggers can push them into that fight-or-flight reaction.
And the first step isn’t fixing it. It’s noticing it.
For me, that now looks like pausing. Not leaving the office, not doing anything dramatic—just pausing for a few minutes, taking a breath, and giving my system a chance to reset. And it’s amazing how something so simple can completely change how I show up in the next moment.
The Evolution of Leadership
One of my favorite parts of this conversation was when we talked about how leadership has changed.
Because the way we were taught to lead—even 10 or 15 years ago—was very different. It was more hierarchical. More distant. More about directing than connecting.
And what we’re seeing now is a shift toward something much more human.
People want to know who you are. They want to know what you stand for. They want to feel aligned with your values, not just your vision.
And I’ve seen this so clearly in my own practice and in my business. The more I’ve shared my mission—my belief in doing better root canals, in preserving teeth, in truly healing patients—the more my team has aligned with that vision. And not only aligned, but contributed to it in ways I never could have done alone.
That’s the kind of leadership that actually moves things forward.
Watch the Full Episode:
Show Notes with Timestamps
00:00 — Why new leaders shouldn’t try to figure it out alone
02:30 — Introducing Lois Burton and her journey into leadership coaching
05:00 — The impact of great leadership vs. poor leadership
07:30 — Why dentists struggle with leadership early in their careers
10:00 — Books, mentors, and where to start with leadership development
12:30 — Why understanding your values is foundational
15:00 — What values look like in real life under pressure
17:30 — Identifying triggers and building intentional habits
19:30 — My breakthrough moment with leadership boundaries
22:00 — Why sharing your values with your team changes everything
24:30 — How leadership has evolved over time
27:00 — Leading in uncertainty and being a stabilizing force
30:00 — The courage required for modern leadership
33:00 — The oxygen mask principle and setting boundaries
36:00 — Understanding your nervous system as a leader
40:00 — Practical ways to regulate in high-stress moments
45:00 — The lifelong journey of becoming a better leader
48:00 — Lois’s deeper “why” behind leadership
Let’s Keep the Conversation Going
If this episode resonated with you, I’d love to hear what stood out. Was it the conversation around values? The nervous system? The realization that you don’t have to do this alone?
Send me a DM on Instagram @drsoniachopra or share this episode with a colleague who’s in the thick of building their practice and figuring out how they want to lead. Because these are the conversations that change not just how we work—but how we experience our work.
If you haven’t already, make sure you’re subscribed on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube so you never miss an episode.
And if this one spoke to you, it would mean so much if you left a review. It helps more people find these conversations, and ultimately, helps more leaders step into alignment with who they truly are.
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